Oh. My. Word.

Sometime around Carson's third birthday, he decided he was going to make it his life mission to humiliate me as much as humanly possible.

And he has been quite successful.

More than once, he has pointed and shouted rather loudly, "Mama! Mama! Why don't dat man have hair on his head!?"

Oh yeah...

But the other day took the cake.

We were at our church's Homecoming. It was after the service and we were seated at tables near the picnic shelter. Directly seated behind Carson was a woman and her family who were visiting the church.

I don't know who she was, and for that I am eternally grateful.

 From the moment Carson sat down to eat, he "took" to her. He would randomly turn around and rub her back and then pretend to eat, giggling the whole time. She loved him. She would poke his side and tickle him. They teased and nudged each other throughout the entire meal.

Right before we were going to leave, she turned around and "formally" introduced herself to Carson.

I immediately became uneasy.

I know my son. I know how unintentionally blunt he can be.

And he didn't fail me.

Carson: "Um....what is dat boo boo on your chin?"

Woman: "It's a mole."

Me: {oh no...}

Carson: "Why is it so big for?"

Woman: "Well I've had it for a long time and it grew."

Me: {please dear God make him stop...} 

Carson: "Does it hurt?"

Woman: "No, it doesn't hurt. (She then demonstrates by touching it)"

Me: {God, right now would be a good time to intervene}

And then the inevitable happened...

Carson: Can I touch it???

Woman: "Sure!"

Me: {Just take me now, God. Right now. Swoop me up and save me from any further embarrassment.....}

Carson then precedes to rub her mole for at least two minutes straight. Two minutes. The longest 120 seconds of my life. By far.

I wanted to crawl under the table and hide.

What am I going to do with him?